Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

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Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by Thirty3Three on Sun Feb 09, 2014 5:28 pm

Okay, so I got super wasted whilst chilling with my friends (Yes, I used "Whilst and "Chilling" in the same sentence... sidenote, I'm bringing "Chillax" back...) and let me tell you I have NEVER been this drunk before. Anything from 5PM to 3AM is nonexistent in my mind.

The friends (there were 3, and yes, I'm going to use fake names here), Mary, Holden, and Skylar were so awesome about all of this:

First- I peed on my car and they saw my cock. Let me just announce that. And I peed in-public too, in front of a chain of stores, for all the cops and pedestrians to witness in all its glory. I know what you're asking yourself... "Did they cops catch you?" - Hell no. I'm here, writing this, aren't I? 

So there I was, blackout wasted. (Yes, they caught me up on the story. No, they don't lie and I trust them with my life.) After they dropped me off at my house (THANK GOD MY PARENTS WEREN'T HOME LOL) they brought me upstairs. I was apparently crying like a little bitch about a girl I really like (And plan on getting back. MOTIVATION.) and I stated about 3,674 times that "I JUST WANT HER." And "I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH!!!". Legit. Tears. Like a pussy? Like a pussy. So anyway, they help me get in my bed, and I apparently start shoving my hand down my pants, trying to "Play with myself", whilst giggling like a little kid (Teehee). Mary's downstairs, and Holden yells down, "MARY! HIS HANDS ARE IN HIS PANTS. YOU GOTTA SEE THIS, ROFLLMAOLOLPFFFTT" - I know what you're thinking, "What amazing friends you have..." and this is where I reiterate, they drove me home. Sure, they put me, drunk, as my "24-hour story" on Snapchat. Yes, they know my password. Yes, I have Christian friends on there... fuck... I have Christian friends on there... 

ANYWAY, so Mary comes rushing upstairs, and she pulls me by the arm, attempting to get me to stop touching myself. (I was wearing sweatpants). She pulled my arm out, yes, but MY arm pulled my dick out. (SECOND TIME THEY SAW MY PENIS IN ALL OF ITS UNSHAVEN/UNTRIMMED GLORY!). Holden yells, "PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK!". So I just start pulling my pants down, and get a hard-on. Yes, they were looking, and yes, I asked Mary to blow me. Was it embarrassing? Yes. Do I have any sexual feelings towards this Mary? No. She's a friend. - So I ask her again to blow me, implying that I "NEED IT!" and that it "won't suck itself". Then I kissed her, with my wang flying about. Holden and Skylar jumped WAY back. And I went to sleep.


Mary called me in the morning to let me in on all the fun stuff and juicy, sexy, details.

So kids, never drink. Bad shit goes down.

Hope you enjoyed my story as I type it up, very kindly, for you all, with this fucking hangover...
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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by 0CTAVE on Sun Feb 09, 2014 5:43 pm

LMAO! XD

Dude I love hearing about drunk stories! :P
Like whenever I get drunk out of my mind and can't remember shit and my friends let me know what happened…GOD IT'S HILARIOUS! I can't top your story though! xD

Hangovers suck though!
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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by BigBox on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:23 pm

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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by Piratemankelly on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:36 pm

And nothing's awkward with you an "Mary?" Good on your friendship, man. Did you just sleep with your wang out after that, or did somebody put that shit away?



I don't think I'd want to be around you when you're drunk. 

Also, I like the choice of Holden here. Is this friend at all like Caulfield?
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Post by BladedgeX on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:42 pm

At least you wasn't sword fightin'.
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Post by Count Mario on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:45 pm

Eh, it needs a bit about drunk driving to fully satisfy my taste of drunk stories.
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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by Thirty3Three on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:51 pm

0CTAVE wrote:LMAO! XD

Dude I love hearing about drunk stories! :P
Like whenever I get drunk out of my mind and can't remember shit and my friends let me know what happened…GOD IT'S HILARIOUS! I can't top your story though! xD

Hangovers suck though!
RIGHT?! It was quite the experience! :P
I guess I get really depressed and horny when I'm drunk, hahaahha!!
And they really do!! Still have one, even now LOL!
Piratemankelly wrote:And nothing's awkward with you an "Mary?" Good on your friendship, man. Did you just sleep with your wang out after that, or did somebody put that shit away?



I don't think I'd want to be around you when you're drunk. 

Also, I like the choice of Holden here. Is this friend at all like Caulfield?
Not at all! Weird right?! I've only known her for about a year, too. LOL! And funny you should ask. I had the SAME question. And the answer? Absolutely NO idea LOL! I probably did, haha! I remember waking up at 3am, having to take a piss, so I may have had it down, then, without noticing haha!

Thanks man! And naw, it's just a random name from the top of my head :P (HEAD head. Just to make that clear. /penisjokes)
BladedgeX wrote:At least you wasn't sword fightin'.
THAT I KNOW OF... :I
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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by 0CTAVE on Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:25 pm

Thirty3Three wrote:
0CTAVE wrote:LMAO! XD

Dude I love hearing about drunk stories! :P
Like whenever I get drunk out of my mind and can't remember shit and my friends let me know what happened…GOD IT'S HILARIOUS! I can't top your story though! xD

Hangovers suck though!
RIGHT?! It was quite the experience! :P
I guess I get really depressed and horny when I'm drunk, hahaahha!!
And they really do!! Still have one, even now LOL!

Lol I get all happy and love everyone! xD
Like full on peace hippie status! xD
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Re: Who wants to hear a HILARIOUS & Embarrassing story? YOU DO. CLICK THIS.

Post by Count Mario on Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:39 pm

When my uncle gets drunk, he either tells me about his dad or not letting people touch me where I'm not comfortable... XD

And nice story, Triple Three. I trust that you will enrich our knowledge with future tales of your drunken exploits.
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